Envy vs. Jealousy

There is this big green monster that we are taught about in elementary school and that big green monster if you remember, is named Envy. Envy is a powerful, yet not evil, emotion. However, it's twin, Jealousy has a bad side that possesses many people. There is a big difference between envy and jealousy, that difference being that jealousy includes hatred. You can be envious of your friends new car and you can be jealous of your friends new car. Envy only implies that you want the car. Jealousy implies that you want the car and you hate your friend for having it.

As I'm sure many of you already know, both envy and jealousy run rampant in the skating world and it is one of the leading causes of, you guessed it, the notoriously insane rink drama. You would be lying if you said that never in your whole life have you ever experience either one, or both. It's human nature. We all have a tendency to get a little envious of our neighbors swimming pool, their new car, a child with an ice cream cone, or that other skaters triple flip. Envy isn't necessarily a bad thing. It only implies that we want something as well. Sometimes, envy can power us towards our goals and motivate us. It's jealousy, the evil twin, that causes trouble.

I spent probably most of my competitive years in juvenile through junior being both chronically envious and jealous of other skaters. It consumed me somedays, especially the bad ones. There were days where I would sit in the lobby lacing up my skates and stare at another skaters clothes, hair or skates and wish that I could have that too. I was jealous of other skaters for having big training facilities and schools of skating friends, for being stick thin and
for being able to sit in the kiss and cry at nationals or go to proms with fellow male skaters.

I don't know why I let it get to me so much. I always felt as if I had drawn the short stick. If I had just lived somewhere else, had more money and more ice time that I could have been more successful. It was especially painful the year I competed in Intermediate at my regionals. I didn't even make final rounds when another girl from my rink made junior nationals. She got flowers at the rink, send off parties, competitor parties at nationals and recognition back at home. All I got were big black mascara stains on my pillow at home.

I felt like a failure. I wept about my skate for days and wallowed in my self-pity. It was awful. In hindsight I wish future me could travel back into the past and give 13 year old me a big ol' slap in the face. I was consumed by jealousy after that. I wish I had a better rink. I wish I had more money. I wish I could skate more. I wish I was a better skater. I wish I made Junior Nationals. 

Just recently, I've made some emotional breakthroughs. It's been a long time since I felt that amount of jealousy towards another skater. Envy yes, jealousy not so much. It's difficult, but I am working on it. Going back to my "the grass isn't always greener on the other side" metaphor, it's useless to spend time wallowing about what others have when there's time to be spent bettering ourselves. Even those skaters struggle with their own demons, even they probably have someone they are jealous or envious of. My dad always used to tell me that while we are envious of the Millionaires of the world,  the Millionaires are wishing they were the Billionaires.

Best of Luck!!